Hard lessons and hard realities

Yesterday I started writing a post about my feelings concerning a young woman (21 years old) in our ward who had given birth to her first child on Monday. My thoughts and feelings weren't exactly warm and fuzzy and though it did feel better to get them out I didn't feel right about publishing them for the whole world to see.

This gist of the story is she is ill prepared and in my eyes unfit to care for herself, let alone an infant and I was expressing my feelings as to why. My feelings were only exacerbated by the revelation at Enrichment Night Tuesday night that this girl had nothing to speak of to care for this child. They announced that she was in need of any supplies, clothing, etc. The only thing she had was a car seat, which was probably donated by the state. How could she carry this child for 9 months and be so totally unprepared to bring him into this world?

Though my opinion has changed little, my heart has softened some. As I was praying last night before bed I was asking the Lord to forgive my judging heart and help me have a heart more like his and to please bless this girl and her baby. I prayed that this experience of having a baby would provide a way for her to grow and accept responsibility. I prayed that this will be a way for her to break the cycle of dependence upon everyone and anyone but herself. She has been brought up in a home where she has learned by example that you can easily live off the "system" as well as the kindness of others. There is little if any responsibility here for taking care of herself and her needs. They think little of calling and asking for help with gas money and food money because they have spent the money the government has given them on frivolous things such as joy rides out of town and having their carpets cleaned (why would your carpet have to be cleaned 2 or 3 times a month?).

This situation has profoundly affected me and I have felt numerous emotions ranging from anger, sorrow, sympathy and the desire to take this baby as my own and love it and care for it as he deserves. I am in no way implying that I am a perfect mother or that she cannot possibly be a good mother. I pray that she can be. I fear, based on their past history, that this baby will become a victim of his mothers selfishness and irresponsibility and will himself fall into the same cycle.

I guess what has bothered me the most is knowing that there is little I can do. My husband and I, the government, the church and many others can throw help and money at this family till there is nothing left to give and it will do little to change their situation. Until they accept responsibility for their own lives and begin to rely less on others and more upon themselves, nothing will change. Maybe I'm suffering from the "I want to save the world" syndrome. It has just never hit so close to home before.

My heart aches for those women who would give anything to have children of their own, but can't. My heart aches for my sister who cannot have children of her own, nor can she and her husband adopt due to financial difficulties. Yet, this girl can bring a child into this world under circumstances that are far worse than what my sister has to offer. Short of passing a law forcing all woman of child bearing age to be on mandatory birth control until deemed "fit" to be a mother, I see no way of alleviating this problem.

The hard reality is that I can do little to change society or to save the world or even this family, but I can do a lot within the walls of my own home to care for and love my own children the best that I know how. And That is just what I plan to do.